22 July 2009

On the Journey

                            I am lost, and I need a sanctuary . . .

              I am lost today. From time to time, I leave my office, and I wander through the building. I am lost, but there is no confusion about where I am. There is no reason for you to assure me that I am in Paducah, Kentucky or that I live at 200 Cedar Lane. In that sense I know exactly where I am.

              I am lost today, for I need a place to be with God. I need a sanctuary. Throughout the seasons of my life as a minister, I have found refuge in the sanctuaries of Ridgecrest Baptist Church, Midway Baptist Church, and Immanuel. The sanctuary was not a place I visited only on worship days. The sanctuary was my retreat—a place to go to be with  God in a most profound way.

              I am lost today, for I need a sanctuary. I need to go into the presence of God and weep—to weep with both joy and sadness. After these days of travel and grief, I am weary and worn. In a matter of days, I have rejoiced on the mountaintop, and I have wept in the valley. I have sung songs of praise, and I have cried tears of anguish. I have known the presence and power of God, and I have refused God’s peace. Yes, I need a sanctuary. Specifically, today I need to meet God in the sanctuary of Immanuel Baptist Church.

              Many of you will not understand my longing for the sanctuary. You will remind me that God is present everywhere. You will assure me that if I turn to him wherever I am He will be with me. Yes, I know all of that. In recent days, I have poured out my soul and cried my tears in the presence of God in many places. It began on Friday morning after receiving the news of my friend’s death. I retreated to our living room. In the chair I sit for prayer every morning, I sat down and wept. My tears flowed through the crevices created by the loss of two friends, Linda Rakes and Debbie Hutchison. I wept in the home of a friend in Midway as I embraced Linda’s three daughters. I shook with emotion as I held Donnie as tightly as I have ever held any man. Tears streamed down my face as I walked through Midway Cemetery following Debbie’s service.

              I have no doubt that God was with me in all of those places. Yet, today I am lost, and I need the sanctuary of Immanuel Baptist Church. I need to be where I have  encountered the presence of God on many days. My heart yearns for the beauty of that place. My spirit seeks the spirit of God in the awe and reverence of that place. My wounded soul seeks the consolation of God’s abiding presence that embraced me so very often in that place.

              I need that sanctuary for more than my grief is at stake here. In my grief, I am besieged by questions that beg for answers. At this moment, I have questions about myself, the choices I have made, the way I have spent my life, and the value of what I have done with my days. In the quiet of the sanctuary, I need to be honest before God, and I need to hear a word from God.

              Across these months, I have longed for the experience of worshipping in the sanctuary where the saints of Immanuel have worshipped. I have heard the echoes of our prayers, praises, and songs. In the early morning hours, I have recalled the embrace of God’s love. Even, as I have walked today beneath the scaffolding, I have remembered how very often God came near and sustained us with the power and peace of His loving presence.

              I am lost, and I need a sanctuary. I need to meet God in a place dedicated to him. A place set aside by His people as a holy place. I need a place where awe, reverence, and silence are demanded from me. Today, I understand completely why Elijah ran to Mount Horeb, the mountain of God. There are days when you need to be where God has been. There are times when you need to be where others have heard the voice of God and experienced His presence. There are times when no other place will do, but a sanctuary of God.

              Today, I realize that our sanctuary has significance far beyond what any of us may have envisioned. It is a place where people, all peoples, may come to be in the presence of God. In this holy place, they are assured of God’s presence despite their doubts, for so many people on so many days have been seized by God here. Our sanctuary is a place where people may come to rejoice or to weep. Our sanctuary reminds people that in the midst of the world in which we live there are holy places filled with the lingering presence of God.

              We are now in the midst of restoring our sanctuary. As the work progresses, we have no doubts its beauty will inspire us again to worship God in Spirit and in Truth. Yet, today I yearn to know that God will find us again in that room and come to meet us in our joy and sorrow. I long to hear God’s voice in that place again.

Today, I desire simply to be with God in the sanctuary of Immanuel, and I cannot be. Today I understand why God’s people in exile in Babylon wept over the loss of the temple in Jerusalem. Yes, there are days when we need to know where God can be found—in the midst of a sanctuary dedicated to Him where He is worshipped and adored. Today, I am lost, for I need a sanctuary. Thanks be to God for holy places where He finds us. We all need these places in the midst of the lives we live.jamie